the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
