those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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