Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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