I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
