you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my shit smells like andre
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
