Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Say something about gay babies.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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