Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
