Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
