i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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