my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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