Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
