the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
