my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
