My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
