Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
time to smoke my breakfast
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
