i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
