If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize