It's Friday. Sex?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize