mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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