i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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