The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
