I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
