STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
