So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
