my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
