so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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