If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Brb crying the tears of my youth
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
