i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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