Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
