is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Text me some of your sweat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
