also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
