I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
