you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
