I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Rumble strips road head = magical
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
