I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
