so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she pinky promised me she was 18
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
