there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
