I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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