you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
