Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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