your parents love me but you hate me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
