I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pooping to opera.
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