how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize