Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize