five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You left your phone here
Wait...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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