Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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