why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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