11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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