In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
