Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
