If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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