3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
