end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
