we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
