Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
