I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were trust falling into bushes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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