i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
