Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
