Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
