Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
