I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
