Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize