they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
