Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
