I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
