I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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