thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
