Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
