why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
