She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
