the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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